Shadow work is a phrase that is used a lot these days in the spiritual community. We all want to do it! Shadow work is supposed to help get rid of all those negative emotions and feelings buried deep in the shadows of your past. It brings you to a place where you feel light and energetic! A place where you feel like you are ready to take on the world and the little things don’t bother you.
We have all seen these people. Those which exude happiness. The ones who are always bubbly and smiling. Maybe we don’t want to get to the point where we annoy everyone with our year round christmas spirit… but I certainly want to feel happier and less annoyed every day. Don’t you?
So what exactly IS shadow work?
Shadow work is the process of examining and integrating your emotions into your present and future growth.
Or in small words for people like me… shadow work is finding a way to make peace with all the icky stuff inside.
Now how do we do that?
1) Spend time reflecting on and examining your emotions.
This is the first step because we cannot work on things that we cannot see. To find your emotions try these activities:
Think of a time when you were being criticized.
Think of a time when you were unfairly blamed for something.
Think of a time when someone close to you was unexpectedly upset.
Think of a time when you judged yourself.
With each of these memories, take note of your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, and any physical sensations (tight muscles, tingling, warmth or cold, etc.)
Once you can identify your emotions, we can start working with them!
2) Ask for the perspective of others
Oftentimes we see ourselves one way, but others see us another way. This is not about being right or wrong, but simply being able to see and acknowledge different points of view. Having this broader view of ourselves is incredibly important when integrating our emotions as it gives us an opportunity to step outside ourselves and get a bird’s eye view of the situation.
Start with people you know and trust. Maybe a long term friend, significant other, or family member. Ask them to tell you about their experience when you were going through an emotional time. A few example questions are:
How did I act/treat you during this time?
Did I seem to be sensitive to your feelings and emotions?
Did I act out of the ordinary? And how?
Getting the perspective of another person allows you to relate to yourself in a new way that is impossible from your own internal experience.
3) Observe
After spending some time working with the past, it becomes time to work with the present. Start using the new insights and understandings you learned about yourself and your emotions in the first two steps to observe your feelings and emotions as they arise in daily life. This new perspective will help you change and direct how your thoughts and emotions flow through you.
4) Add space to your life
Now that you have begun to observe the feelings and emotions that come up in your daily life, add a bit of space between the emotion and your response. Simply take a moment or two to let yourself feel and process the emotion which has come up, with no judgement. This space allows us to change reactions into responses and is the first major milestone on the shadow work journey.
As your emotions come up, ask yourself a couple of these questions:
Where do I feel the emotion in my body?
What is the name of this emotion?
Have I had this emotion before?
Asking these questions creates space between you and your emotions.
5) Understand why
The most visibly transformative part of shadow work is understanding why. This is the point in the shadow work process which everyone is trying to reach! When we understand why we feel the way we do, we gain the power to choose our actions. Up until now, we have been reacting and examining those reactions. Once you understand why, you choose your actions when emotions arise and that choice is called a response.
When you see people who never react to negativity, this is the step they have mastered. These people understand why they have the feelings they have and respond to those feelings in a way that makes the rest of us stare in awe.
To master this skill, take everything you have done up to this point in the shadow work, and lay it all out in front of you. Here you are creating a space between everything you feel, do, and think, so that you, the you that is behind all the other stuff, can play detective and understand what is going on below the surface.
Examine each piece of the puzzle individually. Really take your time and study it.
Then study how each piece fits together.
We call this process “shining light on the shadows”.
As you learn more and more about the puzzle, there will be more and more light shining upon the pieces. When they have been brightened enough, they naturally leave the shadows and integrate into your growth as tools which allow you to guide and control your thoughts, feelings and actions.
6) Practice!
The final step of shadow work is to practice. Keep doing shadow work on a regular basis. The more you practice, the easier it becomes and the faster you will shine light into the unconscious darkness.
If you follow these 6 steps, your shadow work journey will be one of continuous growth and expansion leading you to a happier and brighter life!